Grace in the Newness of Motherhood

When I longed for parenthood, I was sure the title of mom would come easily.

Now, almost two years in, I am learning that I have a tendency to never get it right the first time and that is more than ok. 

I watched my ever forgiving Norah slip in the tub when I removed the shower grip before her bath so that her booty would not get indents. I stood frozen as I realized the front door was open and my daughter was not playing where she should be. She let herself out. 

As I ran to her I continued to repeat to myself, ‘This is not right, I should have known better.”

I didn’t know better, couldn’t have known better. I have never been here before. 

Corralling a fast toddler who is so eager to make friends she chases down strangers and begs them to take her home. I have never been faced with a person who is so determined and unaware that is my responsibility to build wisdom into.  

I am in a never ending cycle of trying to keep up. Striving to catch the cup before it spills, stop the fall before it hurts, lock the door before she runs,  It. Is. Exhausting. 

I end my days with a desperate cry for rest and praise to Jesus we made it through another day. 

As Rob and I whisper mindless chatter to each other before sleep claims our time, I find that oftentimes our conversations revolve around the best moments of our time with Norah. We giggle at the face she made when we surprised her with a sticker and marvel at how well she did when we recruited her help with making the salad for dinner. We remind each other that this is what we longed for all those years and it truly is better than we could have imagined. 

It is good. We are good. 

While in the season of long days and short years, I have to continue to let Jesus whisper the reminders on my heart that…

I have to forgive myself of the small failures I hold tightly to because I deserve to give myself the same grace He gave me. 

He chose me to raise this woman to love Him well and care for her neighbor. It’s the heart that matters, the rest is just stuff. 

That in Him, I have what I need to build a relationship that is loving and lasting.  
At the end of the day, love wins in all things. Especially in this role of motherhood. 

Warmly,

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